The last year or so I've had painful ovulation... the last couple months it's been like PMS for the entire week of ovulation. I'm seriously like, wtf? I have one week a month of feeling good? That's not right. I have been biting everyone's heads off this week, in pain on my right ovary side, not sleeping well... I just hate being such a bitch to my kids and husband. I'm also depressed, don't want to go anywhere... do anything. It's sunny outside, I should be happy... it is oregon of course. I talked to the Doc about it, she says it's normal the older we get to experience more symptoms of PMS and ovulation. Well, then getting older sucks. I'm going to try some evening primrose oil. People swear by that shit. I also want to work out, but would rather lay on my ass and do nothing. My ambition is gone. Ugh. Hoping it will go away in the next day or so, to ramp up for actual PMS. I try to explain PMS to the hubs, but it's so hard. If they could walk a month in our shoes... it's so hard. Ok, going to muster up some energy and ambition and not have this day be a total waste. Laundry and treadmill, hopefully.
When people say time flies, they're right. I can't believe 11 years ago I was having my first child, Cameron Howard. Two parents over joyed about having him! Still over joyed about having him in our lives! He's grown to be a very respectable young boy. We are both very proud of him. He is VERY smart and is very caring and empathetic. It's like he can sense when someone is wrong... just like his mom. (even though, I have a tendency to think something is always wrong... living in a house full of boys, I think when they are quiet, something is wrong. Maybe just a "guy thing?") Anyway, Cam will be heading to middle school in the fall... holy shit, a middle schooler. I can only hope the values we have instilled in him, last through the years. I pray that he stays sweet and will hopefully continue to be open and honest about what's happening in his life. Cam- you are so very loved, you have changed my life forever, and I couldn't imagine life with out you, buddy! Love you tons!
My entire life, I've thought rest days were for the dead. Today, I am taking a rest day. I have worked out every day for about the last couple weeks... and it's not because I "have" to.. I want to. Running, even on the treadmill, is soothing to me. I can watch tv, listen to music, or listen to the kids fighting about minecraft in the other room.. soothing. But, really, I love the constant repetitive motion of one foot hitting the belt/ground, then the other one. Running calms me. I have depression and some wicked anxiety, that likes to come out of no where... I think running gives me a break from all of that crap. As I get older and have dealt with lupus flares, I am listening to my body. I am still active in my day, sweeping/mopping... just not pounding it out on the treadmill. As I'm typing this, I think this writing could be my outlet for my anxiety today. So much stigma around mental illness... I find, if I talk about it, get it out there, it has less ability to scare me into panic.
A rest day may be good for one day... but that's it for me. Tomorrow, I will be back in my workout room, feet pounding the treadmill... probably listening to PINK (I love pink!)
ok- it's Monday. I need to set some intentions....kids, dog, me, family, food, exercise.... whoa, a lot. Taking Ethan to the dermatologist this morning, he has a mole I have been stressing about on his ear. I am sure it's nothing, but best to have it looked at. We also need to get the kids fitted for running shoes! I want them to run with me! I wonder, can you make someone a runner, if they don't love it already? I guess we will find out. Also need to set some serious ground rules for devices. Can they be addictive? Of course! My husband and I were talking to them about being passionate about something. Growing up, all I wanted to do was throw the softball around. My husband loved golf and football... loves. My kids have no passion... unless it involves minecraft. I think technology has ruined kids a bit... why don't they want to play outside, throw the ball around, go on runs/walks with their mom? Goal- have my boys find something besides video games to be passionate about. Any tips would be amazing!!!